Younger Me vs. Older Me

this was going to be me someday back when I first heard this song at fourteen. I couldn’t wait to turn eighteen so I could move out.

get my own loft apartment.

drive a red convertible.

cruise beachside as it was my dream to go to the coast.

hang out with my girlfriends until dawn.

travel near and far to see all the exciting places of the world.

just be free to make my own decisions, find my own trouble to get into and just grow…experience life….spread my wings.

you know, everything cliche` that comes to mind when we think of turning eighteen, lol.

when I was younger, I stared life boldly in the face an d dared it to give me its’ best shot….dared it to try and stop me.

I was full of piss and vinegar with a rebellious streak a mile wide.

I was ready for whatever life wanted to throw me.

these days, fear is a constant companion. It drives me as much as it hinders me, if that’s even possible.

these days, I want safe. I want challenge free. I want peace.

twenty years ago, I welcomed most everything that brought exhilaration.

tross country road trip?

hell yeah.

up all night doing shots & drinking Velvet/Coke?

why not?

sleeping outside randomly?

sure.

getting on the back of some guys bike and going for a cruise?

definitely.

defying just about every rule my mom set?

of course.

scary movies. crazy carnival rides repetitively. motorcycles and boys. all that crazy stuff, you know, that makes us grow up.

these days, give me cross country road trips with my husband driving because traffic makes me nervous.

these days, up all night – probably not but a few fruity drinks I can handle.

these days, sleeping outside – no thank you. snuggling into my nice, comfy bed will suffice.

these days, how about a romantic comedy, country cruise with my honey, and hell to the no on the back of a motorcycle.

these days, a slow dance in the kitchen while my girls giggling and peeking around the corner over those crazy carnival rides…and not my girlies either because i get so nervous…nice, slow, safe rides for them!

nice relaxing walks along the beach or on a path through the trees are preferred.

twinkling stars, calming sunsets, and solar lanterns aglow are perfect ways to spend the evening.

my uncle passed away and his funeral is coming up. i plan to go, but the thought of heavy traffic in the bigger cities is already making me nervous. the thought of something going wrong during my travel is stressing me out. its 1280 miles to where i need to be and im just not sure about the trip.

and at this age, my fear always wins. what to do, what to do….

until tomorrow, my friends……

Find your reason to smile & keep smiling
~ Shannon ~