Law Enforcement Contacting Me – In Person or By Phone

I have a cop friend who stopped in the store recently to ask me a question as he was in the vicinity on a different call.

I was not expecting to see him. I heard the door chime and as I walked around the corner of the fabric shelves, there he stood in uniform.

Inside me, I felt a slight rise of panic…

“Are my children alright? Is someone hurt or in trouble or missing from their location (school at this time of the day)?”

“Shannon, no, everyone is fine,” he said.

This is my life now.

Since my son passed away…..I was awakened by the pounding on the door, then on my bedroom window and then my husband roused me out of my sleep with,

“Honey, the cops are here and they want to speak with you.”

Since that wee-early hours morning, my fear surfaces and panic rises every single time a cop shows up in my yard or calls my phone. It doesn’t happen often, but even one time is too many.

Since my son took his life, I’ve had at least four incidences in which cops had to speak with me or received a call from the ER concerning my child. This last time, my son was hurt at work and the ER called me to ask if they could treat him as he is only 17 – (nothing serious, but the heart doesn’t always understand that!). There was an incident at school in which the same son was jumped by a couple of guys. Again, not seriously hurt, but the heart doesn’t understand that! There was one incident in which my son’s scooter was stolen and the cops had to speak with me. The call from the cop came when they found the scooter. We got it back, thankfully. It was damaged, but we were able to recoup the losses. Oh, and it just so happened to be the same son!

These are the incidences I can remember. I’m sure there are a few more, but my point is,

– Every time law enforcement contacts me, I instantly begin to panic. –

My reaction…..

Fear.

Anxiety.

Shaky hands.

Tears threaten to fall.

Breathing intensifies…short, gaspy breaths

Echoing in my head.

This is my life now.

BIG fears. little faith.

Oh, the life of me after the loss of my son.

It’s not been five years yet. Everyone has always said, since that dreadful moment, that it gets better with time.

I am waiting. Sometimes patiently. Sometimes not.

But, I wake up every day with a thankful heart for all those I love and keep hoping for one more day.

Blessings to you all.

See you back here soon!

Find your reason to smile & keep smiling
~ Shannon ~