Random Musings of One Tired Momma

Respect for ourselves guides our morals. Respect for others guides our manners. – Laurence Stern

‘Respect me because I am your parent, elder, boss, teacher, etc.’

‘Respect me and I will respect you.’

‘Respect me because I outrank you.’

‘Respect me because this (such and such) is my past.’

‘Respect is earned not given.’

And the respect lists goes on and on.

As the old adage says, when you need a reason, any reason will do.

However, as not only a mother, wife, child, etc, but also as a woman, I have been contemplating respect, what it means, when it should be given and so forth.

From a very young age, I was taught to respect my elders and people of authority: parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, teachers, principals, doctors, and the older I got, the more people I learned to respect just for their title: law enforcement, lawyers, judges. Of course, by the time i reached adulthood, respect was pretty much engrained in me, but always with the underlying belief of – if you respect me then I will respect you.

But, is that how it should really work? Is that honestly how we should apply respect in our lives?

If each individual were to go through his/her life only giving respect to those who give it, what kind of world would we live in?

Dare I say, we would live in the world that we already live in? Dare I say that our world has become so entitled that this belief about respect is how many currently live?

Respect is quite simply treating each individual in your path with care and courtesy.

No. This is not dependent upon how one treats you.

No. It is not due one’s title or authority in your life.

No. It is not because of where the individual comes from or his/her past.

No. It is not whether the other individual has earned it or not.

Yes. It is quite simply because the other individual is a human being to be treated with care and courtesy.

It is that simple. Isn’t it?

I guess for it to be that simple, one must decide what care and courtesy are made of. For instance, having an attitude behind your words, in your body language and tone with which you speak may be construed as a form of disrespect. Personally, when my children speak to me, I want them to speak to me without raising their voice, without being snarly or snarky, without overtalking me, and without ill words. Does this always happen? Certainly not. My children can be quite rude sometimes. But I as well. Am I teaching my children respect if I am not willing to adhere to this ethic myself? Probably not as, most often it goes, children mimic not only what they hear, but also what they see.

I firmly believe that children should respect their elders, but I also believe elders should respect a child.

When I was growing up, I was often told not to be disrespectful, but many times disagreement was considered disrespect. Again, I do not believe respect has anything to do with disagreement other than HOW one disagrees. If one resorts to attacking another because of disagreement then this will constitute disrespect. For example, my children often disagree with an answer they receive concerning something they want or want to do. And, as it goes most of the time, it is simply their behavior and attitude when not receiving the answer they want to hear. I am not opposed to their disagreement with me, but I explain to them in these moments that I am opposed to the manner in which they disagree (arguing, crying, temper-tantrum, raising their voice, etc) We learn these measures of self-control as we mature if parents are consistent in their reminders.

However, we choose to perceive respect in our lives, is the same perception as to which we will give it. It is a crazy, unscrupulous, underminded world we live in…chock full of greed, anger, and self gratification, but each small act of kindness that can be shared makes a difference in someone’s life.

And this is always reason enough to keep going with kindness in our hearts.

Until another day, my friends….I hope to see you again.