Random Musings of One Tired Momma

Disclaimer: this post was prompted by a post of someone else I seen on Facebook, but are the words of my heart for a long time now.

We got to bed kind of late last night, but my daughter had to work at 7 am this morning. I woke up at 6 am to wake her up because she doesn’t wake up to her alarm, smh. I then went back to bed. Anyway, my husband got up at 6:30 to give her a ride. She’s 14 and no license yet. When my husband got back from dropping her off, he wondered if we were all getting up to get ready for Mass at 9:00. I kind of waved a dismissive hand at him and said we will go to a later Mass. However, I ended up changing my mind so then we rushed to get ready and out the door to make it to Mass on time.

And we did!

And I’m sure glad we made it!

As with each homily, I felt peaceful, but today’s homily touched on something I have been struggling with: my role as a wife amidst the role of motherhood.

Let us not love in word or speech, but in deed and truth.

I’ve often wondered about my husband’s love for me. Through the years, life has gotten busier and, in that process, he and I have taken our friendship, our time, our energy……just the presence of one another for granted. He’s never been a super-romantic person, and I’m not sure I have, either. However, I do love a good romance. I used to read romance books and dream of the romantic husband I would have, lol. And, now it seems, I see romantic couples all around me.

I enjoy random flowers in the middle of the day.

Holding hands walking through the grocery store.

Dancing in the kitchen as we prepare supper.

Evening walks.

Surprise date nights.

Gentlemanly gestures – opening doors, helping hand with little and big things, ladies first, etc.

As I said, as the years go by, romance has somewhat dwindled. Now our conversations consist of –

• Can you take the girls to school?

• I will do this errand if you can do this one.

• What should we have for supper?

• Did the animals get fed and watered today?

Between work schedules, school schedules, dance schedules, Mass schedule, babysitting schedule, chores, errands, and visits with our older, moved-out children, the romance side of things has gotten pretty casual.

I find myself asking questions like: Don’t you love me anymore? Do you enjoy my company?What happened to us? Are you still attracted to me?

Because the BIG romantic gestures seem to have disappeared. And, if you remember, I am a romance kind of girl. It’s the books I enjoy reading. It’s the movies I enjoy watching. It’s what I dreamed about as a child.

This morning’s homily just showed me to change my perspective about romance at this stage of our lives….the busy stage, the child-rearing stage, the – and let’s be honest here – midlife crisis stage. Okay, maybe not completely mid-life crisis, but close enough!

Today, I have been redefining the term romance and what it looks like in our relationship.

My hubby doesn’t love me with grand gestures, but who, in reality, does love in such a way on a daily basis?

What does my husband’s love look like? Is it in the big gestures every so often or the little things he does when I notice or not? To be honest, his love is in all that he does, I just have to take more notice of the little things he does.

Like, jumping on his four-wheeler to round up my horses that escaped our fence into the neighboring pasture.

Or filling my gas tank when he knows it’s on E.

Driving all night to get back home from an out-of-town service call.

It shows in his weekday morning treks to pick up our grandson for me to watch him while his parents are at work.

My hubby has spent the last 20 years quietly being my friend, protecting me, trying to make my days easier, trying to make our life better. He’s been my strength when I didn’t have any, my ‘idea’ person when I couldn’t figure something out, my sounding board in chaotic moments…..and every moment in between.

So, in today’s social media bragging space in which girlfriends and spouses give shout-outs to the BIG romantic gestures of their significant others, I want to spotlight the less-known, little things, the quieter love that men choose to do instead.

It’s these little moments, these small gestures that I need to recognize more often.

My hubby may not ‘love’ me for the world to see on social media, but he loves me in all the ways that matter. The only person who needs to recognize that is me.

It’s a quiet love that only I can see and that makes my heart sing. And he’s one of the reason’s I smile every day.