The Intimidation Factor: Why We Feel Small (and How to Take Up Space)
Have you ever walked into a room, felt an immediate knot in your stomach, and thought, “I don’t belong here”? That feeling is intimidation, and it’s a powerful emotional barrier that can stop us from pursuing opportunities, speaking our minds, or fully engaging with the world.
Whether it’s a person, a task, or a vast project, intimidation makes us feel small, under-equipped, or inferior. But what actually causes it?
The Three Roots of Intimidation
Intimidation is rarely about the objective threat; it’s almost always about our perception of the gap between them (or it) and us.
1. The Comparison Trap (The “Better Than” Factor)
This is the most common cause. We compare our unseen insecurities and internal struggles with the polished, visible success of others.
- Intimidating Person: You encounter someone who seems effortlessly successful, intelligent, or confident. You mentally construct a massive wall of superiority around them based on their achievements, titles, or presentation.
- The Cause: We forget that their confidence is often practiced and that their success is built on failures they don’t advertise. Our brains skip the journey and only focus on the finished product, making us feel hopelessly behind.
2. The Fear of the Unknown (The “Too Big” Factor)
This happens when the task or project ahead of us feels overwhelming in scope or complexity.
- Intimidating Thing: Starting a new business, learning a complex skill (like coding or long-arm quilting!), or tackling a massive renovation. The goal feels too big to grasp.
- The Cause: We are intimidated by the entirety of the challenge. Our focus is on the vast, unmanageable final result rather than the single, manageable first step we can take right now.
3. Internalized Pressure (The “Not Enough” Factor)
This root is entirely internal. It’s driven by our own critical voice and the constant fear of failure or exposure.
- The Cause: Long-held beliefs of inadequacy, perfectionism, or the painful memory of past mistakes are activated. We project our own standards and self-doubt onto the person or situation, assuming they see us the same way our inner critic does. We are, in effect, intimidated by our own fear of judgment.
Overcoming the Intimidation Factor
Intimidation loses its power when you shrink the source of your fear and maximize your own perspective.
- Break It Down: If the thing is intimidating, don’t look at the final goal. Look only at the next three steps. Small wins erode large fears.
- Seek the Story: If the person is intimidating, try to find their human story. Ask questions. Learn about their struggles or their journey. It’s impossible to maintain a fictional pedestal once you see their authentic vulnerability.
- Choose Presence: When you feel that knot forming, pull your focus back to the present moment. Focus on your breathing and the task directly in front of you, not the hypothetical fear of future failure.
You are perfectly equipped for the space you occupy. Let’s choose curiosity and courage over comparison and critique.
What is one thing you’ve felt intimidated by lately, and what is the smallest step you can take toward it? Share in the comments! 👇
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