Finding Darren’s Voice When His Roots Were Gone

I watched a movie recently—one of those heartbreaking films where a parent loses a child. There was a scene that completely shattered me: the father would sit every night on his son’s bed, talk to him, and grieve in the sanctuary of his untouched room.

It instantly made my heart ache for Darren. Because when Darren died, he didn’t have a room of his own.

He wasn’t homeless, not by any means. That last, incredibly messy year of his life saw him come live with me after years with his dad. He was starting to find his footing, trying to settle back in.

But a couple of months before his death, due to a court decision, he had to move back to his father’s house. The tragedy is, he didn’t have a bedroom there. He slept on the couch. His belongings—his clothes, his books, his stuff—remained here, at my house.

The result? There is no room left “as is.” There is no sacred space where I can go, sit on his bed, and whisper the words I wish I could say.

The Crumbling Roots

The physical absence of that space is a powerful reminder of the emotional chaos he was facing in his final months. That last year of his life felt like a profound unraveling. The familiar roots he had known his entire life—the stability, the permanence, the certainty of where he belonged—were crumbling around him.

He had no fixed anchor, no dedicated space he could truly call his own, and now, neither do I have a physical anchor to him.

It just makes my heart sad. That raw grief of losing him is compounded by the painful realization that his final months were spent adrift, without even the simple comfort of his own four walls and his own bed.

Finding His Sanctuary Elsewhere

I can’t sit in his room, but I am learning that I have to find his presence in other places: in the memories tied to the belongings still here, in the stories his siblings tell, and, most importantly, in the quiet corners of my own heart.

He may not have had a physical room, but he still has a permanent place in my soul.

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For those who have lost someone, how do you manage when there isn’t a physical space left behind to grieve in? 👇

#GriefJourney #LossOfASon #RememberingDarren #ChildLoss #FindingComfort