The Hard Truth of Addiction

It was a tough conversation. A close ffried, let’s call her ‘Another,’ was talking to me about the destructive drinking habits of someone she loves deeply. She was exhausted, hurt, and desperate to know what she could possibly say or do to make ‘Someone’ stop.

I looked at her, and honestly, I had no earthly idea. I told her as much.

Later, I was talking to my husband about it, and I suggested, “Maybe ‘Another’ should talk to you.”

“Why me?” he asked.

“Because,” I responded, swallowing hard, “I was ‘Someone,’ and you were ‘Another.’ You lived through the chaos of my addiction, so you’d probably have better advice for her.”

That simple statement opened a floodgate of reflection, forcing me to put myself back in the shoes of the addicted person.

The View from ‘Someone’s’ Eyes

My husband asked me what he did back then—how did he handle my drug use? I told him he was mean to me. And he was. He fought, he cried, he got angry, and he pulled away. But then he asked the critical question: What did it actually take for you to get off drugs and get your life back on track?

The answer is the hardest truth I know about addiction: Nobody will stop their destructive path until said person is ready.

No amount of pleading, crying, begging, yelling, arguing, or any such loving or angry gesture will truly help that person stop until they are ready, of their own accord, to let go.

In my case, I was waiting on something, and I had a week of sober time while I waited. In that week, I “came down” off my high, and for the first time in what felt like forever, I was looking through sober eyes at everything in my life. I saw my kids. I saw my husband. I saw myself.

I finally saw the devastation. My marriage was falling apart. My children were scared, confused, and acting out. I was actively hurting myself. I realized then that this wreckage wasn’t what I wanted for any of us. And in that moment of clear-eyed realization, I was done. I got rid of everything, cancelled what I was waiting for, and threw myself into healing my heart and repairing the relationships in my home.

The Predicament of ‘Another’

This realization isn’t about minimizing the pain of ‘Another.’ It’s about understanding the internal landscape of ‘Someone.’

When I was the ‘Someone,’ I felt so lost, so confused, and incredibly angry—mostly angry at myself, but it came out directed at anyone who tried to interfere. My loved ones couldn’t fix me, because I had to be the one to choose to stop digging.

This is the agonizing predicament for ‘Another’: you are dealing with the daily consequences of someone else’s choice, but you are powerless to make the choice for them.

God never promised us an easy life, but He does promise His strength and His presence in our struggles. For ‘Another,’ that strength is needed to set boundaries, practice self-care, and understand that their healing is separate from ‘Someone’s’ decision to change. For ‘Someone,’ we pray for that moment of clear sight, that moment of readiness.

If you are ‘Another,’ hold onto your faith. Hold onto your boundaries. You can love them without saving them.

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If you’ve been ‘Another,’ what boundary or piece of self-care helped you the most while you waited for ‘Someone’ to become ready?

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