Sometimes we say the wrong thing because we’re scared.

Someone tells us they’re struggling and our first instinct is to remind them of everything they have to live for.

“You have a family.”

“Think about your kids.”

“Other people have it worse.”

“You don’t really mean that.”

“You need to be stronger.”

“I know exactly how you feel.”

We may mean well.

But when someone is in that much pain, those words can make them feel like they’re failing because they’re still hurting.

And telling someone what they should feel doesn’t make the feeling disappear.

I’ve learned that pain doesn’t always make sense from the outside.

You can look at someone’s life and see everything they have to be grateful for while they are looking at their own life and only seeing what hurts.

That doesn’t mean their pain isn’t real.

It means they need someone willing to meet them where they are.

Instead of trying to talk them out of their feelings, try:

“I’m glad you told me.”

“I’m listening.”

“You don’t have to pretend with me.”

“We’re going to get through this moment together.”

And if they’re talking about suicide, don’t dismiss it and don’t leave them alone to handle it themselves. Take it seriously and get help.

I’ve spent enough time thinking about suicide, loss and the people left behind to know that hindsight can be a brutal place to live.

You can spend years wondering what you should have said, what you should have noticed, what you could have done differently.

So while we have the chance, let’s learn how to listen better.

We don’t need perfect words.

We just need to make sure the person sitting in front of us knows their pain isn’t too much for us to hear.

#SuicidePreventionMonth #SuicideAwareness #ListenWithoutJudgment #CheckOnYourPeople #TalkAboutIt