Nobody really prepares you for the anger that can come with losing someone to suicide. People talk about sadness. They talk about missing them. They talk about remembering the good times and holding onto the memories. But they don’t always talk about the anger, because anger can feel like something you’re not supposed to have when the person you love is gone.

But I think we need to talk about it.

Because you can love someone with every part of your heart and still be angry that they’re gone. You can understand that they were hurting and still struggle with the reality of what their death did to the people who loved them. You can have compassion for the pain they were experiencing while also feeling completely broken by the consequences of their decision.

I’ve wrestled with that conflict myself. There are moments when I want to understand what happened inside the person I lost, and there are other moments when I simply want to scream, Why didn’t you stay? Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you let someone help you? Why did you leave us to carry this?

And then the guilt comes because you wonder if you’re even allowed to be angry at someone who was hurting so badly.

I think we are.

Grief isn’t always pretty. It isn’t always quiet or patient or filled with beautiful memories. Sometimes grief is sitting in church and hearing words about God’s love while your own heart is full of questions. Sometimes it’s looking at an empty place and feeling sadness one minute and anger the next. Sometimes it’s wanting to pray for the person you lost while also wishing you could have one more conversation with them and tell them exactly how much their absence has changed your life.

Those feelings don’t cancel out love.

They are part of loving someone who is no longer here.

And I think it’s important for people who have never experienced suicide loss to understand that survivors don’t need to be told which emotion is acceptable. We don’t need to be reminded that the person was hurting. We may already know that. We may spend years trying to understand it.

What we need is room to be honest.

Because sometimes I miss him so much it takes my breath away. Sometimes I wish I could have protected him. Sometimes I wish I could have one more conversation. And sometimes I’m angry that I don’t get that chance.

All of those things can be true at the same time.

Suicide leaves complicated grief behind. There isn’t a neat little box for it, and there isn’t a timeline that tells you when you’re supposed to be finished.

So if you’ve lost someone to suicide and you’re angry, don’t be ashamed of that anger. You can love the person you lost and still be angry about what happened. You can pray for them and still have questions. You can forgive them for something you may never fully understand.

And if you’re supporting someone who has experienced suicide loss, don’t rush them toward acceptance. Sit with them in the complicated places too.

Sometimes healing begins when we stop pretending grief has to look beautiful.

Sometimes it begins with finally admitting, “I love you. I miss you. And I’m still angry that you’re gone.”

#SuicidePreventionMonth #SuicideAwareness #SuicideLoss #GriefAfterSuicide #ItsOkayToBeAngry